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AMA: I kicked my brother's head in
#1
So yeah this happened on Tuesday this week and. Guess I'll start there. I decided to make this an AMA and I know a lot of you are depressed, I can't blame you for being born in this generation, but maybe this will help you put things into perspective if you are facing a similar problem to this.

I don't talk about my brother often, I don't talk to my brother often, by often I mean 15 years. He's an alcoholic and right now you can throw the ideas of what an alcoholic is out of your head, you've probably seen it on TV shows, on the internet, no, you have to experience it and understand. Now, my brother drinks to forget, he's done so many bad things in life, things, I can't really mention here. He drinks to forget these things, he can't forget them though. Now with this understood, I can write about everything else.

Chris, my brother. He split up with his girlfriend on Tuesday, quite a severe split, I woke up to his girlfriend at my door and all his possessions on my doorstep. He didn't arrive until the evening and from what he told me, he drunk nearly 40 pints of cider. Now, he made the mistake of throwing a temper tantrum (He's 30+... just saying) and made this mistake of smashing my mom's possessions up, about £1500 worth of damage, knives, butcher knives thrown about, at windows, up stairs, if you don't cook, just imagine they're large, very sharp knives. I confronted him in my usual Cheetah Chillax™ sort of way and, there were threats.

Naturally I don't really respond well to threats and yeah. Punches were thrown, I wrestled him to the floor. Did a brutal take down, by brutal, I don't mean your typical playground fighting. Trust. He tried to choke me, still got the red marks. Ripped phone line out. Naturally I put him down to make sure he stayed down. After I was confident he was no longer a danger to either himself, me, or anyone present. I protect the ones I love, it's an obligation, it's a compulsion. I care about people.

Let me just say, I've parachuted out of a plane before, not something I've ever mentioned online, I don't like to brag. The adrenaline you get when you do this, rapid heart beats, you get the bullet time, seriously, it's not just a video game thing, actually happens. Well I had adrenaline pumping and it was far more intense than when I parachuted out of a plane. Took me twenty minutes of twitching and labored breaths to come down off of it. During the adrenaline spike, I went to a neighbor and we phoned the police after I made clear, he had the intent to cause harm.

They arrested him and I watched them drag him off in handcuffs. "Don't resist." The policeman said, yet, through the adrenaline fueled hate for him I saw that he was walking funny. My neighbor did to. Let me tell you about how I slept that day. I didn't. At all, I tried. Normally I just, plank on the bed, sleep is near instant. Not this time. We stayed up til 4AM, the police took statements from us. "Do you want to prosecute him?" One of them asked. I looked to the other's gathered in the room and my mom, they were all looking at me, the onus was on me. I'm the strongest willed one after all, even if I haven't been right since this. I told them, I would decide later but, I indicated my wish for him to get help and if a prosecution would lead to this, then it must happen.

About 6 hours after he was dragged off, they gave us an update, he was taken to hospital and he refused treatment, discharged himself. He has the power to do this, even when drunk, in this country. We do however know that I brutalized him so bad, that I shattered his foot. So he spent the night in the cells. He came back and, I have never elevated my voice to anyone, but I did this time, I told him, exactly what I thought of him, what we thought of him, all the problems he had caused, I was angry, angry for the first time since I can remember, proper anger, anger that makes you clench your teeth and makes you stares daggers at the other. He cried and I was taken aback, saw the remorse, backed off, had a shower. He had to come back here, no one else would take him, they know too. I let the air clear for the night and I tried to game, in fact, I played Terraria in expert mode in singleplayer, I know, I'm a masochist. Didn't really work for taking my mind off things though and no sleep.

He's in a very bad way, leg in a cast, bruises everywhere, but we talked, all day, all night, I cared for him, provided a shoulder for him to lean on, literally carried him out to the bathroom so he could go to the toilet. If you want to know how badly I beat him up, you get crutches to walk around when you break your leg or foot. He requires a zimmer frame to do so now and even then. Despite me brutalizing him and that's putting it lightly, I still love him, he's family, my brother, I still feel empathy for him, I'd help him if he was being attacked by someone else. During these conversations I start to understand why he drinks, alcohol is a depressant, it makes you forget, just for that moment when you're drunk. He can't sleep ever, he has these strange, nightmares, I can't really call them nightmares, he dreams that he's in this idealistic place, somewhere perfect.

We've been through a lot and he's the cause of most of it, yet now, even as I write this, I'm going up and down the stairs to attend to his needs. He said something that, was just too much. He was crying when he said it and I'll always remember this, he told me, "I deserved this and I don't blame you for doing this to me, this needed to happen, I see this now, just please. We haven't talked, ever, just talk to me now." Gave him a tight hug, probably too tight and I told him, "I've always been here for him and always will." Despite me not speaking to him because I was ashamed and angry, the love is still there.

So here we are, you people that are depressive, I kinda know what you're going through and I just want to say. There's going to be someone causing it and you know exactly who is. You need to stand up to them, make your feelings known. If you bottle it up for 15 years like I did. This will happen and you'll hate yourself even more. I'm not a violent person, I just protect the ones I love, even if, the protection might look ironic. Now, since this is an AMA, just ask me anything and I'll answer it. Just don't expect the answers immediately, my brother cannot go to the toilet on his own.
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#2
I don't really have anything to ask, but I'll say, you did what you had to do, and it's good that everyone involved is aware of that.

I wish you and your family the best. Hopefully he'll get the treatment he needs.
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#3
I've always thought that alcohol is dangerous, which is the reason why I chose weed as my main drug and not alcohol. I've never been as far down as your brother, but I've been close to falling down below several times it feels like. I'll consider myself lucky.

Sounds really tragic this situation, hope there's some good in this world still for you and your brother.
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#4
(2018-05-18 14:09:30)aaaaaa123456789 Wrote: I don't really have anything to ask, but I'll say, you did what you had to do, and it's good that everyone involved is aware of that.

I wish you and your family the best. Hopefully he'll get the treatment he needs.
I doubt he will, there are things he has told me which I verified online. He's quite adamant that he doesn't want help, even if everyone here thinks he does. The only possibility would be to get him "sectioned", but our mother probably won't agree. But yes, quite glad I did what I did, I'm just sad that it took a broken leg to start mending things around here.

(2018-05-18 14:17:33)IcyMind Wrote: I've always thought that alcohol is dangerous, which is the reason why I chose weed as my main drug and not alcohol. I've never been as far down as your brother, but I've been close to falling down below several times it feels like. I'll consider myself lucky.

Sounds really tragic this situation, hope there's some good in this world still for you and your brother.
You respect the alcohol and the alcohol will respect you. You abuse the alcohol, the alcohol will abuse you.

I can see why you have turned to weed, like alcohol, it is a depressant. But I think a serious chat works too, even if you feel apprehensive about doing it.
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#5
Great read; your brother is lucky to have you.

He will not forget these events and if he ever gets better it will be massively to your credit.
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#6
(2018-05-18 17:09:29)bag Wrote: Great read; your brother is lucky to have you.

He will not forget these events and if he ever gets better it will be massively to your credit.
Fingers crossed. He's unlucky that I workout though. Metatarsal Fracture so he's going to be downed for 6-12 weeks minimum.
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#7
Update, brother is snoring like a baby downstairs.
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#8
damn..

" I know a lot of you are depressed, I can't blame you for being born in this generation..."

What do you mean by this?
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#9
(2018-05-18 20:00:22)Ali Wrote: damn..

" I know a lot of you are depressed, I can't blame you for being born in this generation..."

What do you mean by this?
Have you seen house prices in the last twenty years? The dream of owning a home outright is totally dead in the UK.
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#10
Not disagreeing but life's always been kinda hard, probably not just for our generation lol
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#11
(2018-05-19 00:06:26)Ali Wrote: Not disagreeing but life's always  been kinda hard, probably not just for our generation lol
It's true but I feel like more things are stacked against us, especially in the UK. I can't list all the factors, I'd be here all night and I have to retract my police statement at 1pm tomorrow, but I only gave the most relevent to me at the time.

It's funny because I think when all of this is over and my brother's leg is out of the cast, I think I might travel the world, perhaps, even meet some folks from here while doing so. I had a bit of an epiphany during all of this, I'm more confident than I realized I am, I'm sure some of you think this is a "no duh" moment given the sigs I usually use. But heh, took me a while to realize. Been noting down some of the places I want to visit and the costs involved.
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#12
As a more controlled, yet very very heavy drinker (think functioning alcoholic... I'm drunk anytime I don't need to not be drunk), alcohol is a shitty fucking drug, it beats you down but you just look forward to the next bottle...

But dude, that is some shit you and your brother went through. Causing drunken destruction like that is -REALLY- bad. I hope he gets the help he needs, and this incident helps to strengthen ties between you two.
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#13
It makes you feel numb for a little while, but sometimes when you feel numb, you start doing irrational things. Help seems unlikely but at least he's at hospital now. Was looking up some stuff and he appears to have PTSD, all the symptoms.
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#14
holy fuck

I don't really have anything to say really, just hope your brother will be able to find a way to cope with things, but being in a state like that for years seems like a tough situation to get out off.
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#15
(2018-05-20 16:17:46)Dootany Wrote: holy fuck

I don't really have anything to say really, just hope your brother will be able to find a way to cope with things, but being in a state like that for years seems like a tough situation to get out off.
Yeaaah, seems pretty severe, I was downstairs a few hours ago while he was having a flashback and wow. He was screaming, "No, NOO." But was asleep? Need to convince him he has PTSD. Not sure what went on at his GF's house but, apparently she has reported him for harassment. Took his smartphones... can't say much more than that in case there is an investigation.

Anyway, he has almost all of the symptoms here:
http://www.ptsduk.org/what-is-ptsd/symptoms-of-ptsd/

Will be speaking to this charity this week to see what the best solution will be.
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