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Life Crap
#1
So, I did make a blog a few weeks ago saying my birthday was gonna suck.

It actually didn't suck. I had a really good time playing with my irl friends, we ate burgers (Which is a luxury considering it's so expensive to afford them) because my dad is in another country and sent me money to buy stuff for the party.

I had left over money so my cousin helped me buy a graphics card, of course, don't expect it to be super amazing o anything, it's evga geforce 8400 GS, only 512MBs, but it helped me run some games better because I was using integrated graphics so I'm happy with it, even if my computer sucks.

Overall this made me less depressed for a while, but that's inevitable for me so nowadays the depression and suicidal thoughts are coming back, however, I've been playing Left 4 Dead 2 with one of my irl friends daily, he lives literally a few steps away so it's not very hard, we also play Castle Crashers, it's a lot of fun, that's helped a bit.

I made some apologies in some other forums regarding my toxic behavior, now I know some people are probably never gonna forgive me or whatever, but I made my attempt to get that out of my chest.

I'm also saving up for a decent laptop to play games, the specs are not that good because I can't afford much money when my economy is FUCKING CRAP, and because I want to take the laptop with me when I leave the country. I'm having an internet friend, my dad, my grandpa and my cousin help me save up by paypal, and then another cousin who lives in miami is gonna receive the laptop when I pay for it, so he can send it to me when he sends the packages he sends to us (He sends us food due to the situation, so he can put the laptop in the same package).

Been playing SAR with some friends in groups, talking and playing with many people made me specially happy, plus it helps me practice my english pronounciation and listening. So it's not only fun but also useful.

My mom and dad talked a bit regarding me and my depression/suicidal behavior, something along the lines of making sure I feel better, and I felt really happy, because my parents divorced when I was 3 and they never ever talked again with each other, so seeing my parents talk to each other after so many years made me REALLY happy, I don't know why.

My relationship with my family is a lot better. There are no more fights, and I've been spending more time with both real life and internet friends. I still feel anxiety because the fucking emmigration process is painful as fuck, I'm a social mess (I'm autistic), my computer sucks, I don't have many friends and I have an inferiority complex because I feel like I matter less to people, I bother them and I'm not very useful.

Been taking meds for my mental illnesses and depression too, so that helps. Thanks for reading.
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#2
The specs of the computer looks good to me, 8 GB RAM, 2.9Ghz i7 processor. Mine is supposed to be a low end actual gaming laptop, was waaay more expensive (though not used) and it's a 2.6 Ghz frequency. (8 GB RAM) So as long as everything works it looks like a great deal.

It's good to know you have friends and also parents who care for you.

When I lived in depression I mostly kept to myself, and that probably wasn't a very good idea. But you have your parents know what you're going through and they're being supportive, so that's great. And actually have real life friends to probably regularly hang out with too.
I don't have a sicknature
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