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[Inspired blog title]
#1
Hi there, I came back to check AF and JV2 somewhat regularly last week, and I decided now might be a good time to say hello.

The most interesting part of my day was when I wrote to a very close friend of mine that we should stop speaking to each other; the situation very simply put is that this person loves me (declares so, at least), but since I have only feelings of friendship the other way around, this person has been suffering. It's not nice being on this side of the friendzone either, if that makes any sense. I just wish I'd keep my friend without such a hassle. But it was a bit complicated. We exchanged a few long and thoughtful messages, and I said we should probably go separate paths for some time. I wonder if I'm going to feel lonely in the upcoming days and weeks. I also hope my friend isn't going to suffer too much; that's actually much more important. It's frustrating to look for the best option and still come up with a shitty one. Maybe you guys have insight on this?

On the more standard side of life updates, I'm in a new school now, not sure I wrote about that. It's a general engineer school, meaning I won't specialize too much, not until third year at least. I'm missing half of the classes and so far haven't been punished for doing so - neither have I failed the tests too bad, hopefully. I'm living alone here, and clearly lacking discipline. Although I cook regularly now, I eat random stuff at random times - stuff I don't need, as I read in an other blog here. Just simple, momentary pleasures I use as a reward throughout my day. I heard that was part of the addictive cycle.
I'm glad that I'm not masturbating anymore though, that really makes me relieved that I don't think about it for multiple weeks occasionally. You may, if your memory is excellent and your time here has been long enough, remember that I had a real issue about that.

My mentality has changed a bit too. I like browsing through my old blogs and posts to appreciate it. I used to be quite stubborn with how I push my ideas, specially with Platform Racing; with hindsight, I should've listened more intently to other peoples' opinions on them. I usef to be very picky about grades, and wrote about it quite a lot, but I think I was actually suffering from the pressure.
Now I mostly dislike the concept of grades. I prefer projects, whether personal or by groups.

One thing didn't change though, I still need to be alone regularly to recover from a lot of social interaction. I like meeting new people though. There a lot of internationals here at my university, the Brazilians are especially nice.
I keep myself busy with cooking, learning Chinese, reading books, and playing the flute - which I had stopped a while back. I also try to become a bit more tech-savvy.


Before I forget, I'd like to thank ax6 for helping me a long time ago with a math problem I posted in a blog. I don't think I ever thanked you for that.

I wish everyone a great day!
[-] The following 7 users say Thank You to Ilraon for this post:
  • (Xeleton), Ali, Bernkastel, Camer the Dragon, Ena, Mystery, Residays
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#2
The upcoming days or so you are apart with your close friend will assess the actual importance of their role in your life. These days will likely be very tough for you. Maybe it doesn't feel that way at first, but sooner or later, the effect will settle in. Despite that, I want to remind you that even though it may be difficult and painful, it may still be the right decision.

As for advice on what you should do, I can't exactly say since I know very little about the specifics of your situation. From a general standpoint, I despise the whole idea of cutting the rope entirely unless keeping in contact is causing harm to either/both of the parties.

Me personally, I think people just love making things a lot more complicated and difficult than they need to be. If I were your friend, I would evaluate the situation as the following:

Either:

A) I continue to 'love' this person and lose them forever due to the feeling only going one way.

or

B) Get over it, stay as mutual friends and not lose this person for good.

I'd choose 'B' and I'd be like 'meh, life goes on', but this is mainly because I'm a really apathetic person in general. It's, however, easier said than done and some people simply don't have it in them to actually do it.



[-] The following 1 user says Thank You to (Xeleton) for this post:
  • Residays
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#3
(2019-10-18 22:24:15)Ilraon Wrote: Before I forget, I'd like to thank ax6 for helping me a long time ago with a math problem I posted in a blog. I don't think I ever thanked you for that.

I don't remember which problem it was, but I'm glad to have helped.

Also, about your friend: I've been in your current situation and it sucks. There's no way to avoid hurting the other person, also, which makes it even more awful. The only wrong choice is to pretend to have feelings when you don't. Other than that, good luck, and I hope you don't end up losing a good friend like I did.
If you need to contact me for any reason, or if you have any questions, concerns, problems or requests, message me here or email me at aaaaaa123456789@acidch.at.

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#4
You definitely did the right thing with cutting off our friend IMO. It would be incredibly selfish of you to stay friends with them despite their feelings. A persons feelings for someone don't just disappear because its convenient. Being just friends when one or both people want to be more leaves you in a state of perpetual heartbreak. So good for you for having the strength of character to pull this off.

How do you feel about the not masturbating thing? Do you think porn was the problem or both porn and masturbation?
"anyway.. why do people keep saying my name? i don't sim anymore lol"
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#5
I'm currently in a similar situation; been in a relationship for 2 years and a bit, but due to some recent issues in my own life, I've been very stressed out and unsure of myself, which has negatively impacted our relationship and my own feelings about it. For this reason, I decided to end things, because it was impossible for me to work through my own indecision and insecurity, and it unfair for him to have to deal with it. Because we still care for each other and don't really want to be apart, we're trying to be just friends.
It's very hard, I know.

Honestly, my best advice is to just try take as much space and time to yourself as you can. If possible, hang out with your family, make plans with other friends (but please, do your best not to advertise yourself as 'having a good time' without that person on social media or anywhere they might see it -- it's not nice and not necessary). Even just do things to focus on yourself? Take up a hobby, research an interest, learn a new skill, etc.
If, after some space and time apart, you really do still care about that person and want to work on keeping them in your life, send a casual message just to ask how they are, what're they doing, etc. Show them that you're there for them, as a friend, but maintain that distance.

I absolutely trust you when you said that it's hard to be on that side of the friendzone, but please remember it's not your job to make everybody happy.

• єиα •
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#6
Sadly the only thing that'll help with the situation with your friend catching feelings is to take a break. They might be saying for now that you two should stop talking, but it's still possible that they find someone else and come back to only having feelings as friends. Not saying it will happen, but it's still a possibility. My ex and I still talk and catch up with each other every once in a while with zero romantic feelings even tho the break up was pretty bad for both of us afterwards for a bit. So by my experience, sometimes people just need some space to move on before you can be friends even tho they might think that they should stop talking to you forever right now.
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#7
(2019-10-21 02:13:59)Ena Wrote: (but please, do your best not to advertise yourself as 'having a good time' without that person on social media or anywhere they might see it -- it's not nice and not necessary).

It does make them jealous though, which if done to a certain degree can be very powerful.



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#8
(2019-10-28 18:31:59)TheWicked Wrote:
(2019-10-21 02:13:59)Ena Wrote: (but please, do your best not to advertise yourself as 'having a good time' without that person on social media or anywhere they might see it -- it's not nice and not necessary).

It does make them jealous though, which if done to a certain degree can be very powerful.

And that's what makes it not nice. Why do you need to be repeatedly told that being manipulative and intentionally causing people to feel bad is wrong?
If you need to contact me for any reason, or if you have any questions, concerns, problems or requests, message me here or email me at aaaaaa123456789@acidch.at.

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#9
(2019-10-29 00:15:05)aaaaaa123456789 Wrote:
(2019-10-28 18:31:59)TheWicked Wrote:
(2019-10-21 02:13:59)Ena Wrote: (but please, do your best not to advertise yourself as 'having a good time' without that person on social media or anywhere they might see it -- it's not nice and not necessary).
It does make them jealous though, which if done to a certain degree can be very powerful.
And that's what makes it not nice. Why do you need to be repeatedly told that being manipulative and intentionally causing people to feel bad is wrong?

Shoplifting is also wrong, yet I've done it and so probably have you. I'm well aware it's wrong. Minor manipulation to benefit myself slightly isn't exactly the worst crime.



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#10
(2019-10-29 00:48:09)TheWicked Wrote: Shoplifting is also wrong, yet I've done it and so probably have you. I'm well aware it's wrong. Minor manipulation to benefit myself slightly isn't exactly the worst crime.

Of course not. Most people don't do these things.
And yes, murder is worse, but that doesn't make what you're suggesting any less bad.
If you need to contact me for any reason, or if you have any questions, concerns, problems or requests, message me here or email me at aaaaaa123456789@acidch.at.

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#11
(2019-10-29 05:29:20)aaaaaa123456789 Wrote:
(2019-10-29 00:48:09)TheWicked Wrote: Shoplifting is also wrong, yet I've done it and so probably have you. I'm well aware it's wrong. Minor manipulation to benefit myself slightly isn't exactly the worst crime.
Of course not. Most people don't do these things. And yes, murder is worse, but that doesn't make what you're suggesting any less bad.

It's wrong, but worth the extra admiration. As long as you don't overdo it I think it's fine.



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#12
(2019-10-29 10:58:54)TheWicked Wrote: It's wrong, but worth the extra admiration. As long as you don't overdo it I think it's fine.

The only admiration you'll get is from the few people who are like you. And yes, the people who prefer personal advantages to morality are a small minority.
If you need to contact me for any reason, or if you have any questions, concerns, problems or requests, message me here or email me at aaaaaa123456789@acidch.at.

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